Must It Be Personal?

Suffering can spur compassion. What if our leaders could act even when they themselves are not affected?

In the fall of 2003, U.S. Senator Gordon Smith suffered one of the greatest tragedies that can befall a parent. Smith’s son Garrett was a freshman in college. Though he had long struggled with depression, no one recognized the tell-tale signs of danger when Garrett became increasingly withdrawn and gave away several of his valued possessions to friends. Later, Senator Smith remarked: “I felt I had failed at my most important duty, as a father.”[1]

Overcome by despair, Garrett closed himself in his dorm room, wrote a farewell note, and swallowed enough pills to end his life. He was twenty-one years old.

Six months later, a chilling stillness fell upon the Senate chamber when Gordon Smith took the floor to introduce the Garrett Lee Smith Memorial Act. He spoke of his son through tear-filled eyes. As Smith uttered the words, “He was a beautiful boy,” his voice cracked with the agony that only a parent racked by grief can know. The bill devoted $82 million in grants over three years for research and prevention of youth suicide. It passed the Senate by a vote of 100 to zero.

In March of 2013, as the issue of gay marriage was gaining traction among prominent public figures, a conservative Republican U.S. Senator made an unexpected announcement. Rob Portman of Ohio declared that he was reversing his position on the matter and now supported the right of gay people to marry. The cause of this about face was personal. Portman’s son, Will, had come out to his father as gay. Though surprised by his son’s disclosure, the Senator decided that he did not want his son to be denied the same happiness that Portman and his wife have enjoyed for more than twenty years of marriage.

Portman explained to reporters the religious basis for his decision. “The overriding message of love and compassion that I take from the Bible, and certainly the Golden Rule, and the fact that I believe we are all created by our maker, that has all influenced me in terms of my change on this issue.”[2]

Over many decades in the Senate, one of the most ardent champions of health care legislation in America was Senator Ted Kennedy. He adopted it as an issue because, as he openly explained, his sister Rose had suffered severely from mental illness.[3] Both Senators Amy Klobuchar and John Fetterman have supported health care reform based on their own personal and family experiences.[4] In recent weeks, Senator Tim Scott has supported housing legislation, noting that, “For me, this is personal,” describing the housing insecurity he experienced growing up.[5]

We should welcome any positive steps to benefit those in need. It is good that direct experience of suffering can drive compassion, but it is even better when compassion comes from awareness of the suffering of others. Too often our leaders only act when problems touch them directly. Wouldn’t it be better if they could empathize with strangers dealing with hardships, whether the politicians have faced those problems or not?

Our history is filled with legislation that has made life better for average Americans, and those bills were passed even when our politicians themselves might not have been affected by the issues that legislation addressed. But increasingly, too many of our leaders seem removed from the problems of average Americans, especially affordability, as they have entered a class of their own.

In a previous post, “Scan Leaders’ Brains for Empathy,” I suggested using FMRIs to measure the empathy of candidates for public office before we elect them. But harnessing FMRIs is just one possible way of elevating good people into higher office. Another way might be to leverage AI to do what it does best, pattern recognition, to search the record of a politician’s past for evidence of acting for the good of others – even when an issue had absolutely no impact on them personally.

Technology can help, but so can old-fashioned people sense. Most of us can tell when someone is genuinely concerned about the plight of others. We just need to focus more on that trait and elevate it above other qualities we seek in public servants. Maybe success in business is not the most important achievement to value in our leaders. Maybe excessive wealth, or snappy sound bytes, or courage in combat are not the best measures of what makes a leader wise. Caring for strangers, especially when their struggles are not ours, is the hallmark of good judgment. Because when we raise up strangers in need, they can help lift up others in turn. Then the desire to do good ripples outward and multiplies.

If we want to build a wiser world, we must choose leaders with track records of compassion, as compassion is a requirement for wisdom. Ask yourself how many of our current leaders are truly wise. If the answer is “very few,” then let’s start adopting wiser ways of selecting them.

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[1] Matthew Daly, “Oregon Senator Grives Over Son’s Suicide,” Washington Post, March 2, 2004. See also: https://wealthypeeps.com/senator-smith-suicide-son-garrett-lee-smith-death/.

[2] Kevin Cirilly, “portman for Gay Marriage After Son Comes Out,” Politico, March 15, 2013.

[3] See: https://talk.crisisnow.com/across-the-aisle-how-personal-experience-has-shaped-legislative-fight-for-parity/.

[4] For Klobuchar, see: https://www.goodmorningamerica.com/news/story/amy-klobuchars-100-billion-plan-fight-addiction-mental-62804188. For Fetterman, see: https://ifeg.info/2026/03/16/a-fathers-love-john-fetterman-opens-up-about-his-son-karls-brave-journey-to-recovery/.

[5] See: https://nypost.com/2026/03/03/opinion/how-congress-can-help-solve-the-housing-crisis-and-boost-american-homeownership-dreams/.

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